DIARY OF INDIGNITIES SPECIAL EDITION: Uncle Patrick’s Advice to Children Such nuggets of wisdom as: All those skinheads over there? They’ll beat your ass. Burt Reynolds? Nope. Tom Selleck? Uh uh. Try Chile D. Molester. Shave that fucking mustache. The Renaissance Faire may not be the source of all your problems, but it sure as shit isn’t helping any.