The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Pinky, Are you pondering what I'm Pondering? 1.Yes, I am!
I think so Brain, but if they called them sad meals, kids wouldn't buy them.
Well, I think so Brain but if Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?
Reload-Quotes change

Rocky Horror Picture Show - Do you go to this movie? Are you really that WEIRD? AM I?? Well not so much anymore but I still have a soft spot for the ol' Lips....(BTW) If you happen to have a copy of Sal Piro's Creatures II you can see me, and most of what was Inside Insanity (NY).

So we all got together and came up with a top ten list. Unfortunately we have a few more than ten.

Top Ten Ways You Know Your TOO OLD To Be In A RHPS Cast

The people responsible!!!
*ST* = Stephanie *E* Eric *L* = Lee *C* Carl *CT* = Cathi
*S* = Steve *B* Bill *TDML* = Louis *M* = Marc *MY* = Matty
  • Your kids ask you if they can go to a midnight showing of Rocky Horror. *ST*
  • Your kids ask you if they can go to a midnight showing of something other than Rocky Horror. *ST*
  • Your kids have never even heard of Rocky Horror. *ST*
  • You have kids!! *ST*
  • Your black lace garter belt now attaches to your Depends. (Had to be used, since it was inspiration.) *ST*
  • Just the thought of wearing heels makes you wheeze. *ST*
  • Audience participation lines make you cranky. *ST*
  • You seriously debate having your wedding at the theatre. *ST*
  • Your fishnets must have shrunk in the closet. *ST*
  • You've gone from McDonalds burgers to Cubby's Ribs. *L*
  • You've gone from motel's to hotel's, to "If it don't have a Jacuzzi, I ain't staying" *L*
  • Current cast members don't know who you are. (and YOU'VE PLAYED THERE RECENTLY!) *L*
  • Your cast road trips go from "Wow! 3 McDonalds in 2 states in one day!" to "Disney World? It's only 22 Hours, Let's Go!" *L*
  • In the beginning you needed that wig to play Riff-Raff *S*.
  • You've been around transsexuals so long you want to become one. *S*
  • Who's your new commander now!!!! *S*
  • You look at the leftover makeup in your bathroom and try to justify still owning it. *S*
  • No really officer she looked 18. *S*
  • (Any character) The wig you wore looks better than your real hair. *S*
  • You go to the show "Just for that very last time" and all the new kids don't understand all your dated snappy comebacks. *S*
  • You start trying to prove Brad is not really an asshole...Just a victim of circumstance. *S*
  • Sleeping late after the show means missing your daily dose of Centrum Silver with a prune juice chaser...*CT*
  • You have to turn your hearing aid down to make sense out of all that yelling...*CT*
  • Bustier??? Belt??? I can't tell!!! *CT*
  • One word....GRAVITY... *CT*
  • You'd rather spend your money at BINGO than on the admission price at the theater... *CT*
  • You yell at you kids that they can't leave the house dressed like freaks...PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!!!*CT*
  • You cry when you find women's lingerie in your son's bedroom, and his girlfriend didn't leave it there...*CT*
  • I used to wear THAT?!?!?!?!?*CT*
  • The government is harassing you for working so far beyond your retirement age. *E*
  • You're paying for your tickets with you social security check. *E*
  • When other cast members talk to you, you can't understand them. Not because you don't understand their slang but because the batteries in your hearing aid have gone dead. *E*
  • You're older than the sum of the ages of all the other cast members combined *E*
  • You've seen Haley's comet twice during your tenure with the cast. *E*
  • You can't high kick anymore because your walker gets in the way. *E*
  • The theater management won't let you perform without an attending gereratic physician. *E*
  • Your Alzheimer's has gotten so bad you can't remember ever seeing the movie before. *E*
  • You become cast director. *E* (Some of us did that at 17!! Just because it makes you FEEL old and defeated by life... )*ST*
  • When none of the theatres you performed in are still showing Rocky! *ST*
  • When you bought your ticket, you got the Senior Citizen discount. *C*
  • You married one of the other cast members. *C*
  • You actually have a real job. *C*
  • Bedroom Scene has been replaced with Frank hitting on Brad and Janet over E-Mail and IRC. *C*
  • You remember where you were when JFK was shot. *C*
  • The girl you were about to hit on said "Here you go sir, you can have my seat." *C*
  • "Janet" is your daughter. *C*
  • You actually thought the "Showgirls" thing might take off. *C*
  • According to your doctor, if your perform, the only cast you'll be in is "Full Body." *C*
  • Cast name ideas? "Geriatric Park" "Old Farts In Drag" "Inside Insanity" and "What The Hell Is The Name Of This Show Again?" *C*
  • Jurassic Rocky! "Something has survived" *ST*
  • Fishnets and garter belts just don't look right with Depends. *C*
  • The last time you tried to Time Warp, you broke your hip.. *C*
  • You start using a computer to help design stage sets and props. *TDML*
  • You use credit cards to buy supplies to make stage sets and props. *TDML*
  • You make enough money in your career to pay down your credit cards. *TDML*
  • You start using the knowledge gained from your Theatre Degree to transform that Saturday night 'fun thing' into a real stage production. *TDML*
  • Everyone in the cast asks you for the answers because you've been around long enough to have them all. *TDML*
  • When the theatre owner asks you for advice on how to increase audience attendance. *TDML*
  • When you boldly say you're a member of the original/old cast and someone else corrects you that "You're part of the ancient cast." *TDML*
  • When you marry another cast member. *TDML*
  • When other cast members make fun of all the hair on your chest because they're too young to know what body hair is. *TDML*
  • When there is no longer a possibility of meeting a new girlfriend/boyfriend from amongst audience members because they all think you're an old fart. *TDML*
  • When you really want to screw over everyone in the cast/theatre by leaving and take all the props and costumes... because you own everything (almost) including the cast name! *TDML*
  • When you play Crim, people compliment you on your grey wig, and you're not wearing a wig. *B*
  • When you play Eddie, instead of a motorcycle, you use a walker. *B*
  • When you play Riff, the bottle you drink from is a bottle of Milk of Magnesia. *B*
  • When you play Columbia, you have to pull your corset down to your waist to show your nipples during floorshow. *B*
  • When you play Dr. Scott, the wheelchair isn't a prop anymore. *B*
  • When you do floorshow, your high heels have been replaced with orthopedic shoes. *B*
  • When you play Riff, the hump, slouch, and funky walk are real. *B*
  • When you play Rocky, you throw your back out picking up Frank [provided it's not Brian O'Dell, in which case you could be a spring chicken and throw your back out : ) ] *B*
  • The movie is delayed for 45 minutes while they show Batman 12: Homo-eroticism on Ice (wait, wasn't that the plot for Batman and Robin?) *B*
  • Those aren't fishnets, they're varicose veins! *B*
  • When you start saying, "Alright this year I'm quitting. No really I mean it." *M*
  • When you realize that you are probably the only person in the cast that was alive when Star Wars was first released. *M*
  • When you have been playing twice as long as the person you were handpicked to replace. *M*
  • When you see more than one set of your old cast members marry each other. *M*
  • You need a defibulator. *M*
  • When you're doing bedroom scene with a girl probably not born till after 1983. *M*
  • You actually understand half the shit Louis is saying :) *M*
  • You'd rather stay home watching A&E biography than going to Rocky. *M*
  • Doonsbury makes you laugh. *M*
  • You ran out of cool features for the newsletter around three years ago. *M*
  • You know the seats in the theater by name and actually had a short fling with one. *M*
  • You have a job where it would be a scandal if word got out you once were featured in that movie with the lips. *M*
  • Speaking of the lips, you know if the lips at beginning of the film are chapped - you've been doing this waaaay to long. *M*
  • The last time you were considered a virgin, so was Madonna. *C*
  • You've been playing longer than CATS. *C*
  • You start thinking about a RockyCon, and your first choice to hold it is Hawaii! *L*
  • You hear people taking credt for "just coming up" with a line you made up... 3 YERARS AGO!!!*L*
  • The only reason you bought a Laser Disc Player was because you were in the book that only came with the LD movie.*L*
  • The only other reason you bought a LD player was "just so my kids will be able to see the movie in all it's digital glory." *L*
  • When you start looking for a "meal ticket out of here" and find it in anyone (or anything) who says "sure, i'll do it for a show". *MY*
  • When you start to criticize others on how to play their character right since you've played them all. *MY*
  • You fondly recall the road trip to no hope, i mean, new hope PA and bore all to tears with the story. *MY*
  • You start saying things like "back in my days, we had a hand held gun with one flash bulb, not some actual screen sized raygun that could burn a rare skin disease off a cow and fifty yards (say this with a Mark Twain accent). *MY*
  • You go from "I gotta get out of this vietnam to, i wouldn't mind doing this one more time" *MY*
  • Sigh when you see a big stage... *MY*
  • Your social life is non existant so you figure you've got nothing better to do on a saturday night than see rocky *MY*
  • No matter how old you get, the girls are still to young for you...sigh...jailbait *MY*
  • You start to count audience heads to figure out if you have an audience or if your just counting cast members *MY*
  • You start making lists like this to reminisce about the old days *MY*

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